Friday, October 28, 2005

5: Competition

I am trying not to be competitive.

Scrolling: Jakatta - American Dream (Afterlife Remix)

I am where I am because of the humans around me. It started in kindergarten. The comparisons. Jill got a better grade than me. So I had to skip soccer and study. Although I didn't want to. What would've happened if I hadn't? Nothing really.

It continued in college and grad school. In academics and extra-curriculars. In clothes, in beerpong. I try to find utility in my actions but I think subconsciously it is about competition with other humans.

Applying to business school is different. None of my friends/acquaintances/relatives/neighbors/bosses is applying to business school. So, for a while I didn't have any competition. I did well without it, surprisingly. GMAT, essays, all went well. Then I slacked off. I barked that I am unsure of my goals and motivations. Maybe I was just being an escapist.

I started reading blogs and discussions. The power of the internet. This was more competition than I had ever been exposed to. The whole world. The irony is that I have always thought of the world as a really small place, a ball among so many other balls.

I think competition will get me into business school. I will read about people submitting applications in Round 1, so I will too. I will read about people microdermabrazing their essays, so I will too.

Maybe not. I don't feel like being a part of this rat race. I've been trying to work on my next application for more than a week but haven't moved a molecule. I'll stop running, or stop trying to run and just drink Coca Cola. I'll continue the rat race tomorrow. Or maybe on Monday. I have to run.

14 Comments:

Blogger Marina said...

Coca Cola is the elixir of life.

I check the status pages because my email has failed me twice when I was expecting an email from Kellogg. I had to call to get them to send me a third email with the pin number and they told me to just check the page. So here I am...checking.

There are days when I definitely get inspired and motivated by reading the blogs and the forums, but then again there are days when all those have the complitely opposite effect on me. In the end I am doing this for me, I am financing it myself, I am giving it my best shot. Que serra, serra.

2:02 AM  
Blogger Marina said...

I am sure the assembly line approach will end up biting me in the ass - but at least I'll learn my lesson for next year's re-applying process :)

What field are you in?

I am not sure if finance and accounting are the only fields with recruiters, but I actually have a few of them. They call me every once in a while and try to convince me to change jobs. They take me out to fancy lunches to buy my loyalty and once again try to get me to change jobs so that they can get fat commissions. Being an experienced hire in finance/accounting is a pretty marketable thing - the job market is booming. Which is one of the hardest things about taking 2 yrs off and going back to school.

Some of the stuff in finance is actually pretty interesting.It is cool to be able to predict profitability of a new product, calculate the return on investment, or just explain trends in sales or marketing. That is the level that I want to work at :)

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Blogger Marina said...

I am sure you are just as marketable - if not more. I just started getting calls all of a sudden when I got my CPA, but also when I posted my resume on Monster. Try posting yours, but you can also google a few agencies. Keep in mind though that they are really pushy :)

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